Today I stumbled upon an article online about the health benefits of kissing. Apparently, there are lots, such as increasingly toned facial muscles. This makes me wonder how much longer I will be a part of this unfortunate group of people who are not reaping the benefits of kissing, particularly mono and bad breath (his).
Maybe we’re not such an unfortunate group. I have several friends who frequently attempt to point out the benefits of living an unattached lifestyle. “There’s so much freedom when you’re single!” Yeah? Well, this freedom could be yours! You, too, could spend Friday nights home alone watching Netflix! In fact, why don’t you ditch your amazing fiancé right now and benefit from a life of freedom? You can’t, you say? You’re too busy planning your wedding? Well, ok then. I guess what I’m trying to say is that if the freedom of single life was so fantastic, then most of my friends probably wouldn’t be in long-term relationships.
And why is it that a relationship automatically means the end of freedom as we know it? I would like to think that a relationship with a nurturing and supportive partner will inspire me to cultivate my interests and grow as a person. So what’s the deal with all the “I’ve lost my freedom” shit?
I briefly dated a man I will call M., who seemed to be a fabulous catch. He taught kindergarten (how can a man who loves children be shady?), was sensitive, chivalrous and affectionate, and shared my love of Harry Potter. He also shared my belief that we were old enough to date like adults and keep the lines of communication open in regards to the status of our relationship. However, things began to go south once the topic of sex arose, and I kindly informed him that there will be no sex until he and I were seeing each other exclusively. After that, M. decided that we shouldn’t see each other anymore, as he was at a stage in his life where he wanted to be “free”. Free from what, exactly? Slavery? My bad jokes? The possibility of having to do some of the real work involved in building a relationship with another person?
M. prattled on about all of the qualities I possessed that he found particularly appealing, including my sense of humor, my intelligence, and my ability to carry on meaningful conversations. Well, forgive me for saying so, my friend, but when you meet a woman that is smart, funny and a good conversationalist, you should consider yourself lucky, because dating a woman like this is a privilege, not prison. Fighting for your freedom is really not necessary. When a person plays the “freedom” card, the first thing that comes to my mind is sheer laziness.
This whole idea of women setting out to claim the freedom of unsuspecting men is utterly ridiculous. I imagine hoards of women gathered in basements in the dead of night plotting ways to foil their boyfriends’ poker nights. Or marching through the wilderness decked out in safari gear with butterfly nets and stun-guns, determined to capture some poor, naïve man who’s just sitting around and minding his own business.
Don’t get me wrong. I know that there are many women out there who do this. In fact, I’ve known several of them personally. And I’m sure the term “ball and chain” didn’t materialize out of thin air. But unfortunately, this whole concept of commitment meaning the end of personal freedom has made it difficult for women out there who are seeking a healthy relationship with a person who is not afraid of the word “relationship.”
So who’s to blame? Possessive and insecure partners? The media? A male’s biological drive to spread his seed as far as possible? What are your thoughts?
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